


i'll stop you (from turning into a monster)

by Manickmondays



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Angst, GTA!AU, M/M, Mental Instability, Violence, ryan's putting like a hundred dollars in the swear jar when he gets home, that was my roundabout way of saying its a little heavy on the swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2015-07-29
Packaged: 2018-04-11 22:14:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4454369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Manickmondays/pseuds/Manickmondays
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Ry, you promised me. He could have lived!”<br/>“Lived to do what, Gavin?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'll stop you (from turning into a monster)

**Author's Note:**

> After rereading this, I've realized it could come off as insensitive, so tread lightly and please please tell me if I have indeed offended you.

_One bullet in the chamber, Haywood. That’s all you need to kill._ The man tied to the chair in front of him was paralyzed with fear, and rightly so. Ryan had his gun trained on the man’s forehead, staring him down from behind the mask. A few tense seconds passed. The only sounds in the warehouse were the man’s labored breathing and the occasional car passing by.

“There is one bullet left in this gun, and it’s going to go straight through your skull if you don’t tell me where the **fuck** he is.” The man in the chair locked eyes with Ryan and spat on the floor in front of him.

“Fuck you, Vagabond.” Ryan strode forward and pressed the muzzle of the gun to the underside of the man’s chin.

“I don’t even need to keep you alive, you two-bit whore of a mercenary. I can search this whole warehouse for him, but I’m giving you a chance to walk away from this if you just tell me where he is.”

“Thought the Vagabond didn’t give chances.” Ryan narrowed his eyes and tightened his finger on the trigger before deciding to back off.

“I didn’t. It was… requested of me that I do so.”

“Man. Most dangerous criminal in Los Santos and he’s fuckin’ pussywhipped.”

“If I hear one more word out of your miserable mouth that **isn’t** what I asked for, I’m gonna blow your goddamn brains out.” The man had opened his mouth to respond to Ryan’s threat, but was cut off by a distinct voice from behind Ryan.

“Love! I’m here! You don’t- you don’t have to worry.” Ryan whipped around to face the voice behind him, keeping his pistol pointed at the man. His eyes widened at the sight of a filthy, exhausted but mostly intact Gavin behind him.

“How did you escape?”

“’s easy when there aren’t any damn guards.” A small smile spread underneath Ryan’s mask. Even after being held hostage for two days, Gavin was as chipper as ever. Ryan watched for a moment as Gavin walked towards him, then turned his attention back to the man in the chair. _You should just shoot him. It’s cleaner. Easier. And I’m sick of hearing him run his fucking mouth._

“You promised you wouldn’t, love. I’m safe, and you promised that if I was safe you wouldn’t kill.” Gavin laid a gentle hand on Ryan’s shoulder. “You ball up your fist and sometimes your hand shakes when you’re trying to decide whether or not to kill someone.” Ryan’s unasked question died on his lips as he slowly lowered the gun and flicked the safety on.

“That’s good, love. Now put the gun down, untie him, and we can get out of here, alright?” Ryan’s nod was curt, too curt for Gavin’s liking and before he knew it there was a flash and the man sitting in the chair had a hole in his forehead.

“Ryan!” He turned to face Gavin’s panicked gaze with his own cold one before fully processing what he had just done and stumbling back in shock, nearly dropping his gun to the floor.

“He was- he… he could have…” Ryan panted out an explanation to the still stunned Brit.

“Ry, you promised me. He could have lived!”

“Lived to do **what** , Gavin?” Ryan’s voice was taut. “Run and find another gang to kidnap you and hurt you again and again and again? Now he can’t do that. I know I promised you that since you were safe I wasn’t going to kill like this but you weren’t safe and now you are. I’m **keeping** you safe.”

“And you’re hurting yourself.” Gavin’s expression had softened; his tone had gone from shrill to somber.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“You’re getting worse. Worse than you’ve ever been. These people don’t have to die.”

“I don’t need you to be my goddamned psychiatrist, Gavin.” He faced away from Gavin like a petulant child, chewing his lip and trying to ignore the fact that Gavin had stepped a lot closer and was dragging a gentle thumb across his exposed neck.

“Love. Look at me. I’m worried about you. Really, really, **really** damn worried because I know how this goes and I can’t let it go there.”

“Gavin, this is what we **do**. This is my job and you’re telling me that by eradicating a gang that has enough manpower and resources to capture you, I’ve somehow become worse?”

“You didn’t use to kill for no reason, Ry.”

“Did before I met you.” Ryan shrugged. “Did before I got with FAKE. Have been for a long time and I’ve been fine for a long time.” He brushed away from Gavin’s touch and started to walk towards the open doors of the warehouse. “Let’s get the hell out of here. Whole place smells like death and I’m sick of it.”

“Ryan. Wait.” Ryan’s shoulders dropped in exasperation.

“What.”

“I’m not… I’m not saying you’re bad at what you do. You’re the best in the country and hell, you’d be a strong contender for best in the world. I’m saying I just watched you lose control of yourself and kill someone. That’s bad. Bloody awful, really.” Gavin swallowed hard, trying to form coherent words. “I can’t let you go down that road because I let someone else and he’s…”

“He’s what? Who the hell are you talking about? What happened?” He had taken his mask off and cast it aside. Gavin’s hands were shaking, his knuckles white in an effort to keep them from doing so.

“He was… He was a mate I had in England. He lost control, just like you and he went positively mad. He needed me and I just…left and he ended up… he’s not…” Gavin barely registered the feeling of Ryan’s hands in his. “’s one of my biggest regrets and at the end of my life, when I look back at our time together, I don’t want to feel regret. Not over something like this; not again.”

“You mean you won’t skip town or something the next time I… lose control? It’d be a hell of a lot easier for you.”

“’Course not. I’m not losing you to my cowardice. I’m not losing anyone like that again. I **want** to run like hell and never see this bloody town again or anyone from it. I’m scared I’m going to lose you and leaving would keep me from having to deal with that. But Ry, love, I care about you too much to do that. You’re gonna get better. I know it. This is something we can stop.”

“You really think we can?”

“Yeah. I do. I’ve played the past in my mind over and over and the conclusion I come to every time is that I could have saved him. And I know I can stop you from- from going too far.” Tears rimmed Gavin’s lashes before he scrubbed them away and gave a pitiful chuckle to try and clear the air.

“Now, I’d love a shower and a nap, so let’s please get the hell out of here.”

“I think we can manage that.” Ryan wrapped a supportive arm around Gavin’s waist to keep the drained man from collapsing onto the floor. As he snatched the mask up from the ground and guided Gavin towards the door, Ryan felt the familiar burn of an insidious voice in the back of his head. _He’s lying to you, Haywood. First chance he gets, he’s gone. You’re a fucking monster who kills for sport and you know it. You can’t stop the urge to kill, you can’t stop the rage and you_ certainly _can’t keep control of your own body. No amount of empty lies will change who you really are. You won’t be able to do this and you’ll end up dead just like everyone else, pathetic piece of shit that you are._

But for once in his life, Ryan could say something back to the voice that seared in the depths of his mind. _I can do this. I will do this. You will not stop me._

**Author's Note:**

> So for one, what exactly Ryan is dealing with is up in the air and it could be interpreted as schizophrenia, DID or even anxiety, seeing as how I based some of the descriptions off of my own experience with anxiety. But I certainly don't claim to be an expert in any function and I am always willing to learn from people who do have these conditions. So I'm very serious, as long as you are a calm person I will absolutely listen to what you have to say about this.
> 
> Remember to rate the fic, comment on the fic, and subscribe if you want to see more fics like this. You can find me on tumblr at [m4d-m4x](http://m4d-m4x.tumblr.com/).


End file.
